Days in a Life
by Logic Dive
Summary: Shizuo didn't know that getting caught in the rain with the Flea would change the course of his life…
1. Chapter 1: Downpour

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. Period.

Hello and welcome to my story, I hope you enjoy it and please be kind to me! *bows deeply*

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

Anime: Durarara!

Pairing: Shizaya (sooner or later)

Days in a Life

Part One of ?

**Downpour**

The rain came down in sheets as lighting flashed across the sky, quickly followed by the loud rumbling of thunder. A few brave souls quickly walked the streets of Ikebukuro, their coats pulled closed and their umbrellas held as close to their bodies as they could get it. Most of them were business men who were trying to make it from one point to another, it was their livelihood.

Some waited inside the shops, not wanting to get wet in the slightest, browsing aimlessly as the storm passed. Others could be found standing under the overhangs that spotted the buildings up and down the main street they were presently on, hoping that the storm would come and go quickly so they could continue on.

Amber eyes watched all of these people with feigned interest, he was honestly too tired to really care what others did at the moment. Shizuo wasn't really in a hurry, he and Tom had already finished work for the day and he had been making his way home when the sky opened and sent down a flood of water. Seeing that he was safe under a small overhang as well, he was content to wait for the rain to pass.

Pulling out a pack of cigarettes, he slowly took one out and placed it between his lips as another pedestrian ran under the overhang, shaking the water off their coat and hood before pulling it down. "Ah, isn't it my luck that out of every overhang in Japan I would get stuck with the Monster of Ikebukuro." That voice, that smirk… those eyes. "Hello there, Shizuo-chan!"

"Fucking Flea, go find some other hole to crawl into." He growled out, lighting the cigarette.

"That is it?" He responded, leaning slightly to look up at the man. "You're oddly complacent at the moment Shizu-chan, and you look tired too."

"Shut the fuck up, or do you want me to kill you?"

Waving his hand slightly in dismissal, Izaya looked out at the rain. "No, no… it's a bit too cold and wet to play that game at the moment." There was silence for a moment. "We can call it a very temporary treaty until the rain stops."

"Fine, don't talk with me… actually don't fucking talk." His hand twitched slightly, the need to pick up something and throw it at the smaller man was now a natural instinct, but he held himself back for once. "Also stay on your side of the damn overhang."

"So eloquent," He replied, hopping up to sit on a metal container that had been placed outside of the shop. "I'll see what I can do."

While the blond doubted that the smaller brunette would actually stay silent, he did… for a whole two minutes…

"Hey Shizuo-chan-"

"Shut the fuck up…"

"—they said it wouldn't rain today. That is why I came to Ikebukuro to do some business; if I knew it was going to rain I wouldn't have come." Crimson eyes glanced over at the blond, smirking slightly.

"I've told you, stay out of Ikebukuro!"

"So mean, Shizu-chan," He hissed, shrugging his shoulders a moment later. "But what can I expect from a monster after all."

"Shut up…" Pulling off his glasses, he couldn't help the twitch that overcame him. This man drove him crazy, and Izaya knew it. That is why he kept coming to this part of town, not because of jobs, but to torture him.

"He was an interesting fellow," The informant started speaking again, causing the blond to sigh. "I work with a lot of yakuza and he by far was one of the most unintelligent men I have ever met." There was a laugh then. "Within the yakuza, I mean. I don't think anyone could outdo a protozoan like you, Shizu-chan."

Taking a long drag off the cigarette, he breathed out. _'Count to ten Shizuo… maybe twenty…'_

"You do know that the percentage of people smoking in Japan have dropped in the last few years." Golden eyes looked over at the man. "Just because 24% of the population want to die young doesn't mean you have to follow them… actually please keep smoking. Then you'll be out of my life sooner."

"Hey, Flea...?"

"Yes, Shizu-chan?" Izaya looked over at the bodyguard as the man blew smoke into his face. The informer coughed, waving his hand in front of him frantically. "You are a nasty monster! Just because you want to die early doesn't mean I want to go with you." Coughing once, he gave Shizuo the nastiest look he could. "My lovely humans need me, unlike their need for a protozoan."

Shizuo couldn't help the smile the crossed his face, popping the cigarette back into his mouth.

"Now my coat smells like smoke, I'll have to get it to a dry cleaner." There was a pout on his lips as he buried the lower half of his face into the neck of the jacket.

"Stop calling me that."

"What, protozoan?"

"No…"

"Monster..?" He asked, looking down at the raindrops as they splattered on the concrete.

"…no."

"Then what..?"

"What you always call me, you fucking Flea!"

"What do I always call you?"

"Izaya…" He growled, seeing the informant look up at him innocently. As if that man was innocent in any fucking way, shape or form.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Shizu-chan!"

Izaya smirked. "Oh I see so you can say Shizu-chan, but I can't say Shizu-chan?" Izaya swung his legs, lightly kicking the container below him. "Shizzzzuuuu-chaaaan is so meeeeaaaaan!"

"FUCKING FLEA!"

"You know, Shizu-chan, if you keep frowning like that your face will freeze that way… you might get wrinkles too."

He couldn't help hitting the back of his head against the wall of the store. "You're not my fucking mom, and what are we in kindergarten?"

"Of course I'm not your mom," He stated, straight faced. "As if I would ever have a monster like you for a child if I could help it."

"You can't have children, stupid louse." This conversation was getting very weird, the rain just needed to stop so he could go home.

It fell silent then, and to make matters worse Shizuo could have sworn the rain was falling even harder than it was when this whole fucked up situation started. Mentally he decided that, if it didn't stop raining within the next few minutes, he would risk drowning and just leave.

"Hey Shizu-chan..?"

That voice pulled him out of his thoughts and for a moment, he was going to snap at the dark haired man until he saw the look on his face. Shizuo didn't really know how to describe it other than… there was really no malice in it. "What?"

"Why do you hate me?"

He blinked.

"Back when we met for the first time… you said you hated me."

He snorted, pulling the finished cigarette out of his mouth. "You cut me with your flick blade, and then I got hit by a truck because of you. Why wouldn't I hate you?"

The informant shook his head, crossing his legs so he could prop up his face on his palm. "Shizu-chan, you said you hated me before I cut you." Was the response, he could tell that the blond was thinking back and trying to remember. "Anyway, you got hit by the truck because you're a protozoan monster that runs into the street without looking first."

That got the blonds attention as he looked back up at the man beside him, a smirk playing on Izaya's lips. Looking away, his eyes glanced at the heavily falling rain, then at the people around them. Izaya was right; he had said he hated him before any of that. _'Why did I say I hate him… at the time it was enough reason.'_

Breathing out, Izaya sat up and started swinging his legs again. "So… why do you hate me?"

There was a shrug then. "Because you're you, Flea… You're annoying, and you piss me off on purpose. You send people after me, get me in trouble and do shit I tell you not to do!"

"It would be boring if I did everything that you asked of me, not to mention completely out of my nature." He cooed, blinking as the vibration in his pocket drew his attention. Pulling out the phone, he glanced at the short message before responding and slipping it back into his pocket.

"You make fun of me."

Izaya actually snorted. "That's easy to do."

"You're mean."

Arching a brow, the brunette gave Shizuo a long look. "This is coming from the one who chucks vending machines at my head on a daily basis."

"Fine, you look down on me!"

"Well if you want to be technical, at this moment I'm even with you," A small hand moved to pat the container he was sitting on. "Usually, I have to look up at you." He finished with a smirk.

"That is another reason! You're a fucking smart ass!"

"I simply make up for your lack of wit." He replied, brushing the comment aside. "Is it my fault that all you are capable of is grunting, telling me to die, physical violence…"

Shizuo watched as the smaller man started counting off the points on his fingers, his scowl deepening with every comment. "SHUT UP!"

"Shouting is another one to add, cussing too…" Sighing, Izaya plopped back against the wall. "See my point is proven; you are truly worthy of being called a protozoan."

He couldn't take it anymore, walking over to the informant; he grabbed him by the collar of his coat. "If I am such a fucking idiot, then why do you even bother?"

The pale man blinked, an oddly gentle smile crossing his lips. "Because… you're Shizu-chan," His voice was soft as he patted the hand holding his coat lightly causing the man to release him. "With that said, it looks like the rain is letting up!"

Shizuo looked out over his shoulder, the rain had slowed to a drizzle as the clouds started to lighten in the sky. There was a slight thump beside him as Izaya hopped down from the metal container, patting off the back of his coat as he walked out from under the overhang. He knew he should say something, but in all honesty the blond really didn't know what to say.

"I guess our treaty is over," He said, smirking at the taller man. "I'll have to find out why you hate me another time. You're such a monster. You can't even give proper responses to my questions." Pulling up his hood, Izaya turned to make his way towards the train station.

"Hey, Flea," Pausing, the man looked back at him, most of his face hidden by the fur the surrounded the hood. "If you tell me why you hate me, I'll tell you."

Spinning round to fully face Shizuo, the brunette rocked on his feet for a moment. "Well you see, Shizu-chan," There was a pause. "How can I explain this so you'll understand?"

Seriously… he wasn't _that_ fucking stupid.

"You know what Socrates said, Shizu-chan, 'from the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate'. But with you, it's more like picking on someone in kindergarten that interests you." Izaya couldn't help but smirk at the man as his phone went off a moment later, drawing his attention away. "Ah, that's right the storm delayed me. Sorry, I have to go Shizu-chan; you'll have to tell me why you hate me later!" With that said the informant waved, running off into the crowd of people that once again dared to brave the streets of Ikebukuro.

Blinking, Shizuo could only watch the man's back as he retreated out of sight. "What the fuck does that mean you little shit?" He really wasn't as stupid as Izaya made him sound, but honestly the man made no sense.

He never had, and probably never would.

Pulling out a fresh cigarette, he popped in into his mouth as he made his way towards his apartment. Izaya's words kept replaying in his head, which only confused the bodyguard more. _'What the fuck, Flea? Deep desires becoming fucking hate, like some interest in kindergarten… Interest… Desires…'_ No, now he knew he was reading too much into it and couldn't help but laugh at himself.

Turning the corner to make his way across the street, he found Celty parked under an overhang, PDA out as she typed. "Shinra harassing you..?" He asked, seeing the blue and yellow helmet turn in his direction as she waved him over.

「Not really,」She typed, looking him over for a moment. 「Are you on your way home now? 」

"Yeah, but Izaya was fucking with me and said some shit… and it's kinda bothering me." He responded, leaning against the wall that was near her.

「Is it something that I can help with, or should I call Shinra to pick up his body? 」

That made the blond smirk, but he simply shook his head a moment later. "I let him live today," He told her, seeing her nod. "But he said something about… some deep type of desires becoming hate. Then he said that it was like kindergarten and picking on some interest."

He watched as she tilted her head, one finger lying on the side of the helmet.

"I don't get it, but he's probably fucking with me again."

Typing out something, she held it up for him to see. 「What brought on the conversation maybe that would help me understand? 」

"Some shit about why do I actually hate him, and then he said that I hated him before he started in on me… I don't know I was trying to ignore his ass at first."

Well she couldn't say he wasn't honest. 「I do know that when children are small they pick on the people they are interested in? 」

"I know he's interested in me, he harasses me every day because he hates me."

「…in this case it's usually more of a crush with children, Shizuo. 」

He blinked at the words written on the PDA, and then laughed. "So he was telling me that he fucks with me cuz he likes me?"

「Well… you don't really give him a chance to say much before throwing things at him. 」

"But this is _Izaya_."

She started typing rapidly then.「But he spends more time harassing you than most would, plus he goes out of his way to make you mad. You know what they say, if people didn't like you they wouldn't waste their time teasing you! Also he…」

"Ok, stop…stop…stop!"

The typing ceased as she looked up. If she had her head, she probably would have laughed at the look the blond was giving her. 「 I'm just saying…」

"I know… and it's disturbing." He whispered, looking down at the ground. "I don't think he was confessing his love or any type of liking…"

「Well I don't necessarily like him, or agree with him most of the time… but it's possible? 」

"You know what, I'm gonna go home take a shower and forget that we had this conversation."

「Fine… 」Crossing her arms, she turned away from him to show she was offended by his words. But he knew her, and it was mostly Celty's way of pouting because he wouldn't entertain her ideas.

Making his way up into his apartment, he closed the door leaning heavily against it. "There is no way in hell the Flea was admitting he likes me."

That was his resolve, and he knew in the end he would be right.

…at least he hoped he was right.

.

..

.

I would appreciate any feedback, even criticism if it is worded kindly. Any and all flames will be ignored and honestly won't affect me in the slightest. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

(_ _)


	2. Chapter 2 Regrets

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. Period.

Hello and welcome to my story, I hope you enjoy it and please be kind to me! *bows deeply*

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

Anime: Durarara!

Pairing: Shizaya (sooner or later)

Days in a Life

Part Two of ?

**Regret's**

It had been a week since Shizuo had seen Izaya. Seven days since the two had been stuck below that overhang while the rain poured down around them. Roughly one hundred and sixty eight hours since that Flea had said _those_ words, and he felt like he had been confused by them for a lifetime.

The blond honestly didn't know what to think or feel at the moment. Those words that Izaya spoke had been sudden; of course that damn man ran soon after, leaving Shizuo reeling in the wake. It was easy for him to just laugh it off as he made his way home down the wet streets. Izaya was just being Izaya, saying vague comments that usually only made sense to the one who spoke them. Of course the man had been fucking with him, trying to distract him for some larger plan.

But, then Celty had said the words that he had been trying to deny. What if Izaya had meant it? And if he did, was the informant saying that he liked the bodyguard? It had been easy to laugh it off when it was only his mind telling him such things, but now the courier was giving him every reason in the world why that bastard could have meant what he had said.

"Fucking parasite," The air around him was still chilly. Dark clouds were moving across the sky threatening to rain, just like a week ago today. All it did was make that moment more vivid, the conversation replaying over and over in his mind. "Where are you, you little shit?"

Of course the Flea would be avoiding him; he was probably doing it on purpose. Drop some impossibly stupid idea on him, then run away and watch him suffer as he mulled it over and over in his mind. Was it the truth? Was it a lie? This was Izaya after all, and he was who he was. The two men had despised one another from the moment they had been introduced, so why would Izaya suddenly feel more than just hatred towards him?

"_So… why do you hate me?"_

The frown on his face deepened as he ran a hand roughly though his blond locks, rubbing the back of his neck a moment later. Shizuo had been running those words over and over in his mind a lot as of late. And unfortunately, he still didn't have a suitable answer to the question

When he thought back to the moment he first met the man, he realized that Izaya was correct. Shizuo had told the smaller man that he hated him, even though the new comer had done nothing to cause that reaction.

Actually, that wasn't exactly true, but what he had done didn't really call for such a negative response from him.

Per normal, which seemed to be his fucked up fate, a group of people came after him for no reason. Well, they _felt_ that they had a reason, and that was to bring Shizuo down and prove that he wasn't as powerful as everyone boasted. Part of him didn't even want to fight. It would have been easier to let them just beat the shit out of him and let it go. Maybe then people would leave him alone and he could live a semi-normal life. But the other half of him lashed out without thinking. Before he knew, it the field was now in shambles and the bodies of his attackers lay all around him.

He never asked for this… He never wanted this violence in his life, he hated violence.

The blond stood there, breathing hard as the moans echoed around him. He had won again, but at what cost? It was just temporary and soon more people would come after him trying to do the same. Those thoughts echoed in his mind when a sudden clapping disrupted the internal conflict that had become so normal for him. Turning slightly to look behind him, he found Shinta looking at him with a smile on his face, and another young man sitting beside him.

While he had seen the crimson eyed man before, this was the first time that he actually saw him up close. There was an air around the man, like he was untouchable, a fucking smart ass, or maybe it was the smug look that he had on his face. Pale hands clapped together two more times before they dropped, one arm resting on his knee, as Shinra introduced the man to Shizuo.

The blond didn't even have to listen to his friends words, he hated this man. Oh yes, he honestly hated him with a deep passion, and for no reason other than _he could_.

"I don't like him." The words had fallen from his lips in an instant and, even though Shinra had looked upset at first, he couldn't bring himself to apologize. He was being honest about how he had felt at that moment. It wasn't his fault that this man annoyed him just by being there, and that the brunette's smirking made him want to punch the smaller man in the face.

"Oh yeah..?" One crimson eye peered over at him. The smirk that Shizuo would come to hate grew larger as he watched him for a moment. "That's too bad. I think I could have some fun with you."

For a moment the blond wondered what this guy's fucked up idea was fun was, but then he decided that it would be better if he didn't know. Anyway, just hearing the man as he spoke annoyed him far more than a group of wannabe punks ever did. "Shut up!" It wasn't so much his voice, now that he thought back on it, but the words that came out of his lips. Anyone who could smirk like that so easily, without care for anyone else, is a person that could become very dangerous.

"Don't say that, Shizuo." Izaya's eyes narrowed as he continued to smirk. Shizuo couldn't handle it anymore; he had to stop that look… a look that saw though him and knew what he was. It whispered that he wasn't normal, that he was just a monster and that this man didn't fear him in the least. That broke him; he honestly snapped and couldn't do anything but go after the brunette with all of his strength.

But still the question lingered in his mind, why had he done that? What had Izaya done that made him hate the man the moment he saw him? He could come up with reasons now that he'd known the other for so long. Yes he was a manipulative little shit that lived off any information that he could get. He loved to fuck with the lives of his _precious humans_, forcing them into situations that were out of their control to just see the reactions.

It was also true that the man would sometimes speak in circles, saying the same thing over and over in different ways until you felt you were going to lose it. He was a shady little punk, who could make others feel inferior in a heartbeat with his supposed superior knowledge. Hell, at times Shizuo actually wondered if Izaya was as intelligent as he claimed to be, or if he was just the fucking grand master when it came to manipulative bull shitting.

That entirely aside, the point was that Izaya had been right all along. Shizuo had thrown the first punch in this, and he had been the one to say that he hated Izaya for no reason. Did that mean that their current relationship was his doing? No, the first day… regardless of who had started it, they had both honesty tried to kill one another. His hate needed no justification at the time; his emotions had been enough for him.

"_So… why do you hate me?"_

Growling lightly, he leaned against the railing that ran across the bridge as he buried his face into his arms. Why had Izaya said that in the first place? Weren't things fine the way they were, the way they had always been? Why did he want to change was what familiar, normal? Wasn't this a good place for both of them to be?

"_You know what Socrates said, Shizu-chan, 'from the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate'. But with you, it's more like picking on someone in kindergarten that interests you."_

He was so confused by this, and he knew the only person who could honestly clear up this mess was that damn louse. He needed to know the meaning behind those words; did that crimson eyed informant actually mean them? He knew what his mind had told him, what his heart had told him… and even Celty had confirmed his fucked up idea. But without the brunette actually speaking to him there could be no final answer, he needed Izaya. For once he needed that fucking shit to come to Ikebukuro so he could fix the mess his mind had created and find some type of closure.

Of course, now that he actually wanted the informant, he was absolutely nowhere to be found.

A few days ago he had even considered going to that damn Flea's apartment, but then he would have been in his territory and somehow the idea of that had felt wrong to him. His life was in Ikebukuro and that was where he needed to be. Anyway, with as much as Shizuo bitched about that parasite coming to his city, he would be a hypocrite to intrude on Izaya's.

Besides, this was Izaya, and he always showed up sooner or later. It was the waiting that was killing Shizuo. Even if the man did show up in Ikebukuro, the blond didn't know if the man would tell him what he meant. For all he knew, Izaya would just keep fucking with him and he would never have the answers he was seeking. This was just too much for him to process; fuck… he just needed help.

A gentle hand rested on his shoulder then, bringing him out of his thoughts as he turned to see the Dullahan standing behind him. 「Are you ok, Shizuo? 」

She typed, holding up the small PDA for golden eyes to see.

"Honestly," He whispered, seeing the yellow and blue helmet nod slightly. "I was thinking …" Cutting himself off, he pulled out a pack of American Spirit's, popped one into his mouth and lit it. "You didn't happen to see that fucking Flea today, did ya?"

Tipping her head slightly to the side, her fingers flashed across the small keyboard a moment later before holding back up for him to read. 「Why would want to find him? You're not still thinking about what he said last week; I thought you said he was joking? 」

Amber eyes looked over the message, breathing in a lung full of smoke before blowing it out and shrugging. "I don't know what the hell he was thinking, but it's been bothering me, ya know?"

「Still..? 」

He nodded, looking away for a moment as she typed out another message. 「I haven't heard from him in a few days, but I have ways of contacting him. I don't know what good would come from it, but I'll do it for you. 」

Shizuo could only sigh as he thought over those words, pushing his glasses back up his nose in frustration. That little parasite wasn't even around and he was getting to him, the two sides of himself warring with one another because of Izaya's words. Part of him wanted to clear this entire issue up so they could go back to how things were, and the other part of him kept reminding him that the fucker wouldn't give him a straight answer anyway.

"Shit Celty, I really don't know what I should be doing. There is part of me that knows he's just being himself, causing problems." He paused, rubbing his face. "There there is this little voice inside," He said, tapping his chest gently. "That really wants to know if he was serious at all."

Celty could only nod; oh she could completely understand where he was coming from. Didn't she have the same doubts and curiosity when it had come to Shinra? All of the uncertainties she had carried, the need to know if it was real. Could she have those emotions, speak those words that he spouted so easily? 「Give it a few more days, maybe he will show up on his own? You know Izaya can't stay out of Ikebukuro for too long, and if you don't see him in a few days, I'll get in contact with him for you. 」

"I… thank you, Celty." Finishing off the cigarette, he pushed away from the railing and shoved his hands into his pocket. "Hey can you… not let Shinra know what's going on?" The courier nodded, walking back over to her bike. "Thanks again, I'm gonna head on back, don't let Shinra harass ya to much, ok?"

Her shoulders shook slightly, as if she was laughing, and then waved a hand in front of her face at his words. 「I'll see you soon, Shizuo. 」She typed, speeding off on her bike a moment later as the blond watched her disappear out of view.

Walking back though the streets, he once again became distracted by his thoughts. Even though talking with Celty helped, it still hadn't given him any more answers and once again he was left clueless. Maybe this was just his lot in life, and that was exactly what he deserved for being involved with such a little shit.

"I gave you all of the information you asked for," He knew that fucking voice. It had been engrained into his brain for years and there was no mistaking it. Taking a few more steps, he glanced around the corner to see what he already knew.

There were two figures less than a hundred feet away from him, one was an older man who didn't look too pleased with the words coming out of the younger mans mouth. The other, well it had been the parasite he'd been looking for the past week. The informer was wearing that smirk Shizuo was used to seeing by now, as he shrugged slightly. "Any further information will cost extra."

That fucking Flea… that pest was in Ikebukuro, had he purposely been avoiding the blond then?

The very thought just pissed him off even further, here he had been restless all week and now that little shit was showing up? Growling slightly, Shizuo could only think of one thing at the moment… oh yes this meant war. If that pest had purposely made him suffer, then Shizuo would get revenge. Retracing his steps, he came upon a vending machine that he hadn't passed long before seeing Izaya. It wasn't as large as some of the ones he'd seen on the main streets, but it would work for what he needed.

Reaching down, Shizuo began to pull at the heavy piece of metal as it whined in protest. Whoever had put the machine there had also made sure to bolt it into the sidewalk below, as if that would stop him in any way. He simply twisted it, as he put a bit more effort into moving it. Soon he heard the screech of metal on metal, then a pop and finally a snap as the machine came loose from its binds. Oh yes, he would teach that asshole not to say shit, and then ignore him.

Walking back down to the end of the block, the bodyguard turned the corner and was pleased to see the two were still wrapped up in their conversation. It was perfect, and he was going to use it to his advantage. Smirking, he took aim, lined up the machine and then released the huge metal box into the air. A moment later it came crashing down as the glass broke and drinks scattered across the sidewalk only a few inches away from where Izaya stood.

For the first time since he'd known the man, Shizuo had actually managed to surprise him. The informer stood there, eyes wide for a moment, just staring at the crumpled piece of metal that lay beside him. A moment later those same eyes rose, meeting his own. "Izaaayaaaaa-kun."

"I just love the way a monster like you says hello, Shizu-chan." Completely ignoring the fact that his customer had taken off, yelling something about flying vending machines and crazy fucked up people. "I suppose I should thank you." A smirk crossed his features at those words as he slid his hands into his jacket pockets. "He was quiet annoying, and honestly was starting to aggravate me."

"I didn't do it for you." He replied, walking towards the informant.

"You need to work on your aim."

"I missed on purpose," As those words were said; a hand came down and grabbed the brunette by the arm, pulling him towards the alley that was nearby. "We need to talk, fucking Flea."

"As much I would love to have a simplistic discussion with a protozoan, I do have other appointments to go to." The happiness in his voice was forced, but he tried to hide that fact as he sought to pull his arm away from the bodyguard.

"Cancel them." He whispered, looking back at Izaya for a moment.

The informant had never seen that look in the blonds' eyes before and for some reason it unnerved him a bit. He was snapped out of his thoughts as his back connected against a cold stone wall. "My, if I knew that Shizu-chan was such a romantic, I would have asked you to drag me down an alleyway a long time ago." He purred, smiling up at the taller man before him.

"Shut it, pest."

Frowning slightly, Izaya wrapped a small hand around the man's wrist. "Do you mind taking you hand's off of me? I'll listen to you talk… I don't have much of a choice it seems. I'd rather you not touch me though."

Shizuo could only roll his eyes. "Mm, and let you run away? Deal with the touching, you parasite."

"Please, now why would I want to run away from you?" He asked, his smirk holding a slight frustration at his present circumstances. "You're treating me so well; it makes me wonder why you don't have a girlfriend? I'm sure she'd love to be held against a wall by some monster who doesn't know the meaning of _no_."

God, there he went again shooting his mouth off. Shizuo knew he did this to get a rise out of him, but today he couldn't let his temper get the better of him. "I've been looking for you all week." He whispered meeting the smaller mans eyes. "I need to know what you meant when we spoke."

"You're still thinking about that?" Izaya couldn't help but laugh, resting his head back against the wall behind him. If he had to stand here looking up at the man he might as well have a bit of support. "Really, Shizu-chan, you are such a simpleton. Of all things that could have bothered you…"

"Izaya, I'm not fucking around." He didn't want to hear jokes and excuses right now. "I need to know if it was just another shitty joke."

He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. "I meant exactly what I said Shizu-chan, there was no other meaning." Izaya couldn't stand to look at those eyes anymore, he was asking too much. Yes maybe he hadn't meant to say what he did, but he figured that the blond would have just brushed it off and moved on. "If you honestly have no clue then you really are a monster, all brawn and no brain."

"I'm not a stupid as you treat me Flea. Just because I won't submit and play your fucking mind games, you try and make me feel like I am less than you." There was a growl then, as he pushed away from the informant and leaned against the adjacent wall. "You just try and make yourself feel better because you know you can't control me."

"Then why are we having this conversation?" He asked, his eyes still staring at the ground below him, suddenly a laugh escaped him as he met those amber hued eyes. "God, Shizu-chan, you'd be really smart if you weren't so dense."

"That makes no sense…" Frowning slightly, the blond slid down the wall into a squatting position. "I don't have a reason." That piqued the interest of the informant across from him. "I thought about it… a lot. Fuck, more than a lot. I don't have a valid reason for why I hate you."

"I see," There was silence for a moment, and then Izaya looked over at him. "Shizu-chan, which is worse… saying something and knowing that there might be a point in your life you'll come to regret saying it. Or holding it in, and regretting that you never said the words for the rest of your life?"

He shrugged. "I think it's good to be honest."

The man actually fidgeted slightly at those words. "I was honest."

"When," He asked, meeting the deep red eyes before him. "That day when it rained…" Izaya nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. "So what did it mean?"

"Truthfully, Shizu-chan, you're going to drive me crazy one day."

Shizuo couldn't help the smirk that crossed his features. "Well I'm already there because of you, so I'll call this payback."

"You're a monster, you don't understand anything I say, and then you blame it on me anyway."

"Hey, keep it simple and we will both be good."

"This is why I hate speaking with you, you stupid protozoan!" He snapped, finally loosing the cool facade that usually graced his features. "You're completely inept, and have a skull as thick as the Great Wall of China!"

He wasn't quite sure what he'd done to upset the man; but if anyone should have been upset it, should have been him. He was the one who had been going nuts the last week because of something this little parasite had said. "Look either tell me flat out what you wanna say, or let's just drop all this shit and forget it."

"I have said it, but you don't get it do you?" Izaya could only frown, making a sound of annoyance as he pushed away from the wall, crossing the short distance between the two, and slouched down in front of the blond. "Leave it to a monster to only understand actions and not words." With that said, he leaned forward one hand bracing against the wall as his lips met the blonds'.

Golden eyes widened as he opened his mouth to speak, but Izaya had only taken it as an invitation to deep the kiss between them. Shizuo's mind was going a mile a minute. He didn't know if he should punch him or allow this to continue. While he had suspected that Izaya's words had meant something along these lines, he never expected the man to act on it.

In the end his eyes fell closed as well, one hand reaching up to gently run down the pale mans neck as the kiss continued. It was different, warm; wet… nothing that he had expected it to be. As the informer pulled away, Shizuo couldn't help the slight blush that crossed his cheeks. That's when he realized something else… that fucking asshole had been his first kiss. "Flea…"

"I love you Shizu-chan." He whispered suddenly, cutting the other man off. He needed him to know that for once in his life he was being completely honest with himself, and with Shizuo. "I have always loved you from the first moment I saw you."

Shizuo could only blink.

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I want to thank my awesome beta reader, Az'y, for supporting me and helping me correct my stories! She was also the main force who helped me come up with the idea for this chapter… and insisted on the ending. So if you don't like the cliff hanger you can blame her! Luv j00 Az'y! :D

I also want to thank Chappy-the-Bunny for her continued support and friendship! Thank you! *hugs* 3

I would appreciate any feedback, even criticism if it is worded kindly. Any and all flames will be ignored and honestly won't affect me in the slightest. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

*bows*


	3. Chapter 3: Denial

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. Period.

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

I want to thank everyone who has been reading and reviewing my story… and even if you don't review, seeing people favorite it and put it on alert makes me happy. I am so grateful that there are people enjoying it, and that is all that matters. Even if there was only one person, I would still write it to make that one person happy.

**roseangel222**: I love frustrated Izaya too, heehee it's nice when his mask finally drops. **Isthisparadise: ** I have to agree with you, as much has be brags that he's smart… when it comes to emotions, and expressing them, I feel he's a bit slow. XD **Chappy-the-Bunny: **Yes it was a beautiful and amazing alley way kiss! I also like that line he says too… I think it shows his emotional conflict. Keep his feelings hidden or tell Shizuo, either way he knows he may regret it and Izaya's trying to figure out which would hurt less. Unfortunately, he honestly doesn't know… **Thank you **to everyone else who reviewed asking for updates! I hope you enjoy this one. :)

**Denial**

"_I love you, Shizu-chan." He whispered suddenly, cutting the other man off. He needed him to know that, for once in his life, he was being completely honest with himself, and with Shizuo. "I have always loved you, fr__om the first moment I saw you."_

_Shizuo could only blink._

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They both just sat there in silence.

Shizuo was leaning against the wall, his eyes focused on the ground below him. Izaya slouched before him, one hand still on the wall as he waited for the blond to speak. What could he say? He wasn't exactly sure how one responded to a love confession, especially when that love confession came from an annoying Flea who had been his enemy up until this moment.

Yes, he had thought about the words that had been exchanged between the two of them a lot the last week. He even knew this might have been what the informant was hinting at, even if he'd laughed at his own thoughts when the idea popped up. Then Celty had warned him that it could be a confession of love. Seeing that she was probably the only… well, _person,_ that he could have considered a best friend, it made the idea even more constant in his mind.

But in all honesty, love or not, Shizuo had never expected the annoying asshole to actually admit to it. Because of that, he'd never really thought about what he would do in this situation and had never considered his own feelings on the matter. So, to say that he was confused was an understatement, here he was in an alley with Izaya, love confession laid out before him, and his brain had just shut down.

Shizuo needed time to think. He needed a little time away from this man, and needed those eyes to stop looking at him as if they could see into his soul. He needed time to understand his own feelings and to really comprehend fully what the brunette was asking of him. _'I need to stall this somehow … he honestly can't be expecting an answer right at this minute could he?" _ His eyes finally rose up, golden meeting ruby, and he then knew… yes, that was exactly what this fucking Flea was expecting.

All Izaya needed was a response to his confession, and that was the one thing the blond couldn't figure out.

The informant really didn't know what to think at this moment as he watched the other man sitting there, staring at him. In Izaya's mind it really wasn't that hard of a decision to make, either he loved him or he didn't. Damn, at this moment the brunette would even accept the man saying he liked him. _'But… I have loved him for years, and I've only been able to tell him now. He's such a protozoan, and I'm an imbecile for not admitting this earlier. What a pair we are, Shizu-chan.'_ Yes, he wasn't the brightest when it came to love, but he'd never admit that to anyone.

Well, Izaya knew he wasn't the warmest person in the world; there was no doubting that, he gathered information for a living. Depending on the situation, he might have to change the mask he wore at the flip of a hat. Most times felt he was an asshole, manipulating humans for his enjoyment, like some puppeteer. He had no issues admitting that either.

Yes, he loved people and putting them into difficult situations to gauge their reactions. It was just part of who he was, that would never change and he didn't _want_ to change. But no one knew the other part of him he kept hidden, the part of him that came out when he was alone in his apartment where he would be safe. Izaya had never shown anyone the side that he was revealing to this monster, part of him finally felt free at doing so, another part of him was scared shitless for exposing his one real weakness.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, he let out a breath of frustration. This was taking way to long, and he was honestly sick of waiting. Shizuo was being way to quiet and he couldn't help but wonder if he would end up regretting the words he had spoken. "Shizu-chan…"

"I'm not exactly the best choice," He finally whispered, his voice was shaking as a hand rose to run though his hair. "I mean you and me, we are always fighting and…"

"I never said you were the best choice, Shizu-chan," Cutting the taller man off as he spoke, he couldn't help himself. "I said that I love you." Izaya had never felt this nervous about a situation before, and this was way out of his comfort zone. His heart pounded as he spoke, those three words that sounded so foreign coming from his lips.

There were those words again; the ones that made his mind go blank… except for one thought that would run though his head. Celty had been right. He should have just believed her but at the time it seemed such an outlandish idea. Anyway, could anyone in their right mind see the two of them actually being a couple?

"Look, Flea, I have a bad temper. I'm always trying to kill you! Remember, two weeks ago when I pelted you in the head with a trashcan from the other side of the street?" Actually it had been more than a trash can; that had just been the first item. Once Izaya had gotten the, um… message, he'd taken off with the blond close behind. Soon a few vending machines, three stop signs, an outdoor restaurant menu and a bench had followed before Shizuo had finally lost him.

Izaya simply gave the man a look, his excuses were getting old fast. _'Honesty, why do I have to be in love with such an imbecile?'_ Well, it didn't matter why he was in love with him, just that he was. "I still love you, despite all of that." How many times would he have to repeat those words until it sunk into his head?

"Do you really think we could have a relationship like normal people?" He asked; standing up as the man across from him pushed his hand away from the wall and did the same.

"Of course not," Izaya watched as he looked away at those words, but before Shizuo could get a word in, Izaya continued to speak his thoughts. "We are not like everyone else, Shizu-chan, so I don't expect our relationship to be normal in the slightest. But… whatever our relationship will be, we will have each other and that's all that matters to me."

"Izaya," Why couldn't he argue with this man? Every excuse he gave on why this was probably the worst idea in the history of man was easily combated with his words. Shizuo could only think of one last thing to say, but doing so would expose everything he feared about relationships. He never thought that he would actually say these words to anyone, much less the Flea. "I-I… have nothing to give you, nothing to offer."

His eyes fell closed at those words, and Izaya found that he couldn't look away from him. Those words, they had been honest, not like these bull shit excuses that he'd been spouting a moment ago. That was how Shizuo truly felt, that he would never be good enough and never have anything to offer… anyone.

"Shizu-chan," It was only a murmur as a small pale hand cupped the tan cheek. Those eyes squeezed closed, tighter now, and Izaya couldn't help but let a soft smile cross his lips. "My silly, idiotic Shizu-chan, I don't need anything from you. You don't need to offer me anything…" He continued to softly speak the words, talking seemed so wrong at this moment anyway. Caressing the blonds' cheek, his fingers ran down along the outline of his jaw. "You're enough."

As he spoke Shizuo could feel his heart beating against his chest, it was rapid and unsteady in his ears. Izaya was being so honest with him. He was opening his heart to _him,_ of all people, wanting Shizuo to accept everything he was offering. "I…"

"Yes?"

Suddenly, he just stopped, everything stopped. Shizuo couldn't think, couldn't talk and he couldn't help but wonder if he would even be _able_ to speak for a moment. What would he say? What was he feeling, and was it the way that the man in front of him felt? Could he be as honest as Izaya was? He had risked everything to say those three words, his pride, even his very being. Everything he was, offered up to him if he wished to take it.

"I…" His mind went blank; his voice spoke without him even knowing what he was saying. "…need to think."

"Think..?"

"Yes," He whispered. "This is a lot to hear, and I need to think."

"About what..?" Now Izaya was annoyed, he risked everything he was to tell this… moron that he loved him. He wasn't exactly the type that went around announcing his feeling to people and all Shizuo could say is that he needed to think? "Either you feel the same way or you don't!" He snapped as the mask that he hid behind slowly rose back into place with every word he spoke.

"Do you really need an answer this minute?" A hand rose to rub the back of his neck as he sighed, honestly he didn't see the big deal about needing to think.

"Yes!"

Golden eyes widened for a moment when the informant yelled that single word at him. He had never seen him act like this before, so Shizuo really didn't know what to do or how to respond. This was a whole new side to the Flea. Of course, with Shizuo being who he was, confusion quickly became anger as if to protect himself. "Well, I can't give you an answer, fucking deal."

"Deal… I'll deal with the fact that you're a coward!" He spat, taking a few steps back as he spoke those words. "I'll deal with the fact that you're nothing but a monster!"

"I'm done, Flea," He turned to walk away, feeling a hand grab his arm, but he pulled from the hold and kept walking towards the street. "I'll think about it and let you know. I'm not gonna leave you fucking hanging, I just need to think."

That brute was _not_ going to just walk away from this. Like hell he would let him. "Don't do this!" There was something inside him, a doubt… that if he let him walk away now it would all come to an end.

"Stop it, Izaya…"

"You're a fucking monster," He couldn't understand why he was reacting this way, and this was exactly why he hated this side of him. It was illogical, and he couldn't even predict his own self when he was like this. "You never run away from anything! Idiotic, protozoan, bastard! JUST…FUCKING STOP!"

He couldn't help but stop in his tracks as the man behind him yelled. Part of him wanted to run, to get away from this situation. He couldn't understand this side of that arrogant little shit, not when he sounded so desperate and was being so honest. _'God, Flea, don't you see I want to give you an answer… I just need a little time to make sure that I know what I want. I… don't want to hurt you.'_

"Don't walk away from this…" It was only a whisper now, and he didn't even know if the blond could hear him from where he stood. "Please… _please_!" The last word came out as a whimpered plea, god, now he was begging.

"I'm sorry…"

Crimson eyes widened at those words as Shizuo stood there for a moment more before disappearing around the corner. He had left him; he had walked away without even telling him if it was a possibility.

Nothing…

A small hand rose to his chest, grabbing at the fabric that covered his heart. It hurt, his chest hurt, where his heart was, as it beat faster and louder, causing a drumming echo in his ears. He'd been left alone, regretting that he'd ever taken his guard down for that man, wishing that he'd never said those three words that seemed to be like a curse. His courage was shot, his hopes gone… Izaya had never seen the blond walk away from anything and it had been like a final nail in his coffin.

The informant looked down as a single drop fell onto the clenched hand at his chest. Was it raining, no it couldn't be, but then his vision blurred as another drop joined it. Reaching his other hand up, the smaller man gently touched his damp cheeks. _'I'm… crying…' _Izaya couldn't remember the last time he'd cried, it just wasn't something that he did.

Letting out a shaky breath, he pulled the thick hood over his head to hide his face, stuffing his hands into his pockets. All Izaya wanted at the moment was to go home, to hide until he could get his emotions back under control and lock himself away in his apartment until he could get his mask back in place, until he could forget this incessant pain that was wracking his heart due to that freak of nature.

He didn't think anything could equal the pain he was feeling at that moment as he stood there, crimson eyes staring at the empty space that had once been filled by the bodyguard. After a moment he made his way out of the alley and back onto the streets, head low as he stared at the sidewalk below him.

Izaya didn't know if the other man would ever come back now. Maybe his honesty had chased him away? Would things ever be able to go back to the way they were? Would he ever hear the imbecile yelling his name as he chased him though the city streets?

Why couldn't he stop crying… why did he have to show his one weakness to the only person that could honesty matter?

Why did he have to have it destroyed before his eyes..?

Why… did he hurt so fucking much?

Izaya hates this, the emptiness and the pain. He had no answers, and the one person he loved, the one who could give him the answers had simply abandoned him. Who knew? Maybe Shizuo didn't have the answers for this anymore than he did. But as he walked through the streets, only one question was left, only one thing repeated over and over again…

Was it really… all over?

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Please review if you don't mind… I do appreciate when I get feedback!

As always, thank you to my most wonderful and beautiful beta reader, Az'y! Without her these chapters would be unreadable! 3

**A note from Az'y:** Ya'll better leave her some love or I'mma come and beat you up! lol jkjk~ Hearts all around~ 3


	4. Chapter 4: Revelations

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. Period.

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

I want to thank everyone who has been reading and reviewing my story… and even if you don't review, seeing people favorite it and put it on alert makes me happy. I am so grateful that there are people enjoying it, and that is all that matters. Even if there was only one person, I would still write it to make that one person happy.

**StainedWithBlackInk: **sorry this was the soonest I could update, please don't hate me! **VannaUsagi13:** I agree, I can't see Shizuo just saying 'oh yeah I feel the same', and Izaya is just a bit emotional. Poor baby. **Isthisparadise:** ok so I took some of the things you wanted, not fully, but I did keep it in mind when I was writing it. **Takoizumengane: **That you for the review and you made my beta reader very happy by complimenting the work she does correcting these chapters! **Roseangel22:** I am glad my stories have magical headache healing powers, heehee. **Thank you **to everyone to reviewed; you don't know how much it means to me to see people loving my story! I love you all. 3

**Quick note:** some of this is **nsfw** and this might have from here on out now and then.

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**Revelations**

"Izaya…"

He couldn't help but let out a light moan as the blond whispered his name into his ear, and then slowly nipped his way down his throat before biting his shoulder lightly. "S-Shizu-chan…please move…"

He watched as the blond smirked, doing as Izaya asked of him. Shizuo was enjoying this control way too much, and the brunette couldn't deny that the man felt wonderful inside of him. Pale hands darted to his mouth, a red stain crossing his cheeks, as Shizuo finally found a steady pace. He was pushing in so deep that his body started to tremble in pleasure, causing him to tighten his legs around the tanned frame. This only made the blond sink deeper into his body as he let out a muffled cry.

"Relax, Izaya, I don't want to hurt you." His voice was hushed; his fingers gently running though the dark bangs that clung to his lover's forehead. Soon those same hands moved down his chest, resting lightly on the informant's hips.

"How… can you say that," There was a pause as Izaya cried out, another thrust sinking deep within him. "When you're doing… this to me?"

Shizuo let out a light laugh, pulling the other man up gently so he was sitting in his lap. Crimson eyes looked down, arms wrapping round the other mans neck as they both sat there. He could feel the blond deep within him, filling him while hitting all the places that made his mind go blank with passion. Izaya wanted this, he wanted more of the man before him and never wanted to let him go.

"Ride me, Izaya."

The words were breathed into his neck as the blond nipped at the skin below his ear. Izaya couldn't help the shudder that ran though his body, riding the man slowly a moment later. This position had a different feel, and he knew that he was in control, except for the gentle hands on his hips that seemed to guide him. Shizuo had given him this power knowing how the informant could be, he had willingly shifted it to him without a complaint.

"Mm, that's it…" That voice, that voice was everything to Izaya. It sent shivers down his body with every word. The hands on his hips tightened, his thumbs rubbing against his lower stomach, urging him to pick up the pace. "Izaya, my Izaya…"

"Shizu…c-chan…" Whimpering, the brunette buried his face into the others neck, sucking lightly. Large hands moved across his hips, caressing gently for a moment before moving to his back. The fingers danced along his lower back before playing up the contour of his spine, then tightening to pull Izaya closer.

"I love you, Izaya…" The softness in that voice, the gentle kiss on his jaw… those four words made Izaya blink as tears formed. "I'm so sorry if I hurt you." He continued, nuzzling the others neck.

"Shizu…" Warm hands rose, cupping his face gently. Izaya could only stare at his chest, a tear running down his cheek. Warm fingers brushed it away a moment later, lips gently meeting his as the two kissed deeply.

"Don't cry, Izaya," They pulled apart as he said those words, his forehead resting against the one that he held in his arms. "I know that I hurt you, but I can't change that… all I can do it try to make it better from here out. I love you, Izaya."

It was all too much, those words he'd been waiting to hear, what they were doing at this moment. Everything had fallen into place. Iazya felt that he could breathe, that he could possibly be happy. "Shizuo..." Kissing him gently, the brunette started to ride him once again.

The blond smirked into the kiss, grabbing his pale hips as he pushed him down. "I want to hear you call out my name when you finally come." He whispered, nipping Izaya's jaw.

"Yes, Shizuo… I want that…" He began to ride the man once again, the hands on his hips tightening as they pushed him down deep. It was too much, and he knew he wouldn't last long at this pace…

-Buzzzzzz

-Buzzzzzz

-Buzzzzzz

Crimson eyes opened slowly as the vibrating phone moved across the bedside table, then stopped as the text alarm ended. It had been a dream. One really fucked up dream that he desperately wanted to become a reality. But this was his realty, laying here in this hotel as his eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room. The hard on between his legs begging to be taken care of as Izaya desperately tried to ignore it.

He'd come to this place hoping he could escape the monster.

Izaya had only made it half way to his home yesterday before realizing that the protozoan might come looking for him. Even though Shizuo said that he needed to think, Izaya felt as if his answer had already been very clear. There was no love between them, at least not from the blonds' end, and everything had turned into one sick joke.

Izaya, being the butt of said joke.

In the last two days, Izaya had done things that he promised himself he'd never do. They were below him, right? He was stronger than that, wasn't he? Now, he saw that he could be just as fallible as his beloved humans.

It wasn't something that the informant was proud of, but he couldn't handle seeing that reckless bodyguard in his current state of mind. He didn't want to hear the finality as Shizuo told him that it was only him that felt that way, and that he wanted none of it. Izaya would have just broken down again… so, on a whim, he changed his course, walking half way across Tokyo before stopping here. Not that it helped now that brute was intruding on his dreams… refusing to be forgotten.

Sighing slightly, he rubbed one long sleeve over his eyes a few time before said arm flopped back onto the bed. Izaya was not a morning person, he never had been, and he had always found it very hard to get up and going. These sleeping issues had plagued him ever since he could remember, and over the years it had only gotten worse. The informant was lucky if he got two or three hours of sleep at a time. He knew it wasn't healthy, he knew it was an issue… but Izaya had simply grown used to it and stopped asking why.

After staring at the ceiling for another thirty minutes or so, Izaya finally felt that he was awake enough to comprehend whatever message had been sent to him. Reaching over, his pale hand grabbed the phone. He pressed the button at the bottom and put in the code to unlock the screen. The message popped up instantly, crimson eyes glancing over the words that were written.

_-Are you ok Izaya? Where have you gone? Shizuo says that your apartment is empty...-_

Celty.

It was no surprise that she had messaged him. Such simple questions, yet those words had told him so much. From this, he could deduce that Celty knew something was going on between himself and Shizuo. He could also be assured that the blond had told the headless rider about the situation at some point, and that he was most likely with her right now. He also knew that Shizuo had gone to his place, and now knew Izaya had run away.

Yes he admitted it. Izaya Orihara ran away because he didn't want to see Shizuo.

But, there was one thing that he couldn't figure out. Why did Shizuo even care? Hadn't he been the one to walk away when Izaya had finally found the courage to confess his heart? He knew that he didn't want to play anymore games, and if the blond was fucking with him he might find a blade in his throat soon. It was just an annoyance, and he honestly didn't want to deal with him or her at the moment. All he wanted was to stay here until he could put his masks back in place.

Knowing it would annoy the woman to no end, he typed back a simple message.

_-I'm fine.-_

Another text came quickly.

_-That does not answer my questions. Are you avoiding them?-_

The woman could be so annoying sometimes, always asking questions. Always wanting more information, and always talking with that blonde brute. In a way, she reminded Izaya of him… but he was much better at getting information than she was. Silly woman couldn't even find her head… but, then again, he was the one who had it hidden away.

The next thought that popped into his head made him smirk, oh it was evil and in a way she deserved it for bothering him to help that idiot. What if he told Shinra that the bodyguard and headless rider were having an affair behind his back? Shinra probably wouldn't believe it once he actually thought about it, oh but the lead up and initial reactions would be so enjoyable. Maybe he would do it when he was feeling more himself.

Typing out another message, he hit send.

_-I am fine Celty, I just need time alone.-_

He just needed to be away from the man who haunted his dreams. Why did he have to fall in love with such a pea brained monster? Why had Shizuo rejected him, walked away from him? Once again the phone buzzed.

_-You really love him, don't you? Izaya, please talk with him. Especially if it's affecting you this badly…-_

He read that message twice before growling, as the phone went flying across the room, only to land on the carpeted floor. She didn't even deserve a response to that one. Who was she to think she even knew what he needed? All he wanted was rest, and for that blond beast to die. He didn't want to see him, talk to him, or even be near him. All of that ended when he walked away… No, Shizuo hadn't flat out rejected him, but the fact that he'd left him without a word was proof enough in his mind.

In truth, he knew the man hadn't rejected him, but Izaya just couldn't handle what he'd done. He had laid everything out, and then just watched Shizuo walk away as if it was the easiest thing for him to do. Maybe it had been easy for that monster, but it had crushed him. Izaya had shown a side of himself that he'd never trusted anyone to see. A part of him that was so fragile, that could love deeply, truly and honestly… a part of him that he'd tried so hard to hide away and protect.

And within minutes, Shizuo had stomped all over it. Killed it, in a sense.

He hated him… Izaya hated Shizuo deeply, desperately. He loathed the man, wanted him dead and gone from his life. He wanted him to suffer like he was suffering, and to never see the blond again. He was a bastard, protozoan, brute… and fuck… Izaya loved him despite all of that. He could lay here and effortlessly say that he detested him until he died, but he had to be honest with himself. He knew that his disgust for the man would have never hurt this intensely. It couldn't make his heart ache like it was at that moment.

Pulling the blankets over his head, Izaya buried his face into the pillows and promised himself that this would be the last time he would cry over that monster.

He loved him… and he now knew he had to let that go.

Shizuo sat on the bench watching as the woman beside him typed out a message on her PDA. He had gone to Izaya's earlier that morning, hoping that he would be able to speak with the man. After getting frustrated that he wouldn't answer, and in his anger broke down the door, he'd realized that the man wasn't home. Shizuo felt bad for damaging the man's property, but in a way Izaya had brought it on himself.

He looked up as the small black phone was shoved right into his face.

_-I'm fine.-_

"Bullshit," He growled, tossing the cigarette on the ground before stomping it out. "If that fucking flea was fine he never would have run away." The woman pulled the phone out of his face as Shizuo reached for another cigarette.

He knew he'd fucked up, and now that it was done he had no clue how to fix it again. All he wanted was to think. It had been a shock when the informant had flat out admitted his love for him. Those words had made his heart race, his mind go blank, and his blood rush though his body. Now he knew he felt the same, but at the time it had just been so confusing that he'd found himself unable to say those words.

Golden eyes rose as the PDA was, once again shoved into his face, showing him the last message sent.

_-You really love him, don't you? Izaya, please talk with him. Especially if it's affecting you this badly…-_

"No response?"

She shook her head, pulling the phone away to type out a message before holding it back for the blonde to see.「In all honesty Shizuo, Izaya is not one to run away. I know I don't always agree with his methods, but this is very un-Izaya-like behavior.」

"I know," Looking down, he couldn't help let out a sigh. This was beyond annoying, and he wasn't sure what to do…especially if he couldn't even find Izaya to try and fix it. He looked back up at the yellow and blue helmet after a moment. "I fucked up, Celty, didn't I?"

Holding the phone close to her chest for a moment, she pulled it away as fingers typed out a message before holding it up for him to see.「Everyone makes mistakes, Shizuo… it's just, Izaya doesn't handle mistakes very well.」

Running his fingers though his hair, a growl slipped from his lips. "I just fucking panicked, ok," He was too annoyed to deal with this. Standing, the bodyguard began to pace. "It's not every day a guy walks up to you and says… hey, I know I've hated you for what, 8 years now? Well, surprise! I actually fucking love you, so let's forget everything and date!"

「He didn't say it that way. That doesn't even sound like Izaya.」

"Close enough… its how it felt." He responded, seeing the black shoulders slump as if she had let out a sigh of frustration. "You must be so disappointed in me, huh?"

The helmet shook as she typed on her PDA. 「No, not disappointed… but, I did warn you about how he may feel.」

"I know. I know all of this could have been avoided." She nodded, agreeing with his response. "I know I messed this entire thing up, and now he's like this... because of me. I really need to talk to him; Celty… he deserves an answer. Please… can you find him for me?"

「You love him.」It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

He looked at those three words for a moment, and no matter how hard he tried, Shizuo couldn't deny them. He couldn't get angry or tell her that she'd lost her senses. He couldn't even joke about it… all he could do was be entirely sincere with her. In doing so, he would finally be saying the words he'd been so afraid to say to that irritating flea.

"Yes, I love him, Celty."

He watched for a moment as she stood there, her arm falling to her side as the helmet turned towards the sky. She was thinking, but Shizuo didn't know what she was thinking about. Maybe she thought he and Izaya had both lost it, but she'd been the one to see it first and to warn him of the man's feelings.

Suddenly the helmet turned back towards him as black clad fingers flashed across the PDA once again, before holding it up for him to see.「I'll find him and contact you soon.」With that said, she rode off leaving the bodyguard to think over the words he'd just spoken.

Love… it was such a strong word. He never thought that he would say it in such a context. Of course he loved his brother, but this love was different and something that he had never felt before. It was strong, and it flowed through him like an obsession. Shinra had always teased that the line between love and hate was just a thread. Maybe the doctor had been right, maybe what he had felt this whole time had never been hate...

He realized, now, that it was the truth. That he loved the flea. He might be a parasite to humanity with a major god complex, but he was Shizuo's parasite.

He loved him… and he now knew he couldn't let that go.

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_**A note from Az'y~** I want to thank all of the readers for helping me make this wonderful author realize that her work is amazing. She needed a bit of convincing~ and it seems to have worked! :3 Keep reading and commenting! And remember, I love you just as much as she does! 3_


	5. Chapter 5: Truth

**Disclaimer:** The characters do not belong to me in any way, shape or form. Period.

I am sorry this took a while longer to get out, I was having bad writers block and kept going back and forth about how to advance this chapter. I want to thank **everyone** who reviewed the last chapter. Going back and reading what you had said really helped me get back on track and write this. 3

I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, it was a struggle but I think it is ok. XD

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**Truth**

Izaya laid there on the hotel bed, his eyes blankly staring up at the ceiling. It had been like this for a few days now, and the informant had no idea what to do with himself. Maroon eyes glanced over at the curtains, blowing slightly in the breeze, and he could smell that it had rained, or maybe it was still raining? He didn't know, and he honestly didn't feel like getting out of bed to find out.

His world has literally stopped because of the events that were going on around him. If it had been an angry client, or some other type of information related issue, he'd understand hiding away like this. But no, this all revolved around him and a certain blond man who he'd been foolish enough to be honest with. His whole world has come to a stop because of one wrong decision, one mistake that he wished he could take back… but he knew that he couldn't. Izaya thought that, if he just let it rest for a few days, Shizuo would forget everything and that life would go back to how it was.

Izaya had been wrong, yet again.

He couldn't go home because he knew that man was still looking for him. He was afraid to go out and do any jobs because he was afraid to run into him. Izaya was even avoiding even looking at one of his phones. Because out of all of the devices he owned, that was the number that Shizuo knew. That phone was only a few feet away, flashing with unanswered messages. All of those messages were from the one person he didn't want to speak to. In short, Shizuo was trying to find him and he had yet to give up. That had destroyed Izaya's theory about the man's short attention span and that he would give up on him after a day or two.

Izaya wasn't blind to his own faults.

No, he fully admitted that he had caused this mess and still didn't know what had come over him. Why had he admitted to Shizuo that he had loved him after all of this time? He also realized how childish he was acting and how it would be so much easier to just listen to the bodyguard's rejection so he could go back to living his life like before. This is where the stubbornness came in. He didn't want to see the man or have to face him. On the flip side, he wouldn't accept hearing those words over the phone because breaking up like that was so cowardly. Not that they would be breaking up per say, seeing that the two had never 'gone out' in the first place.

So there he was, stuck in a limbo of his own creation. There was nothing he could do because he didn't want anything to be done. He was too afraid to face the one person that could end this, and too childish to accept that he'd been defeated by his own feelings. Of course, Celty hadn't given up on them either, which was honestly no big surprise. But she wasn't doing it for Izaya. He knew how people felt about him and it honestly didn't bother him…most of the time.

People loved to point out how awful he was for using people to get the information he needed. But, how was he any different from anyone else? Everyone in this world used someone for something in their lives. Children, parents, lovers; they have all wanted something from someone. Yet he was the one who was evil. He was the one people pointed their fingers at and hated.

Why? Because he embraced what he was and admitted that he did these things. Izaya wasn't scared to admit what he did, or that he would do what needed to be done to achieve what he wanted. Anyway, how else was he supposed to know more about his beloved mortals if he didn't test them from time to time? It wasn't his fault that humans, as a whole, just seemed to want to be as perfect as they could, not wanting to admit that they had faults as well. He believed that every human had a side they would rather not show. They were users, murderers, abusers, disbelievers, thieves, and liars. That was why he loved his humans, and why they should love him as well…

Humans were imperfect, and he would accept them just as they were.

Izaya was pulled out of his thoughts when there was a knock at the door. Sighing, the informant crawled out of the bed, running a hand though his hair before walking to the door. He had no idea who could be knocking since no one knew he was there. Looking though the peep hole, he couldn't stop the frown from crossing his lips. "How the hell…"

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Celty shook her head as she walked through the streets towards her destination. It was official, Izaya was obviously not in his right mind and she knew this based on one simple fact; it had taken her no time at all to locate the informant. This was very much unlike him, especially with the line of work he was in... Seeing how it carried many risks with it. He had been in situations before that had required him to disappear. It had become an art form for him and he had perfected it. That was why it bothered her when she had found him so easily, and only proved her point that there was honestly something wrong with the man. She also knew what the issue was…

There was a certain blond bodyguard who had been looking for the informant for the last two days. Now in no way was this man stupid, but he also didn't have the subtlety or patience that it took to find a person. Usually his days consisted of following Tom to whatever jobs that he'd scheduled and try to keep his temper in check… try, because it normally didn't work. He never really got attached to anyone, never expressed any like or dislike for any specific person that he dealt with on a daily basis, other than Izaya, of course.

So that's why Celty would never have guessed that Shizuo would have affected him this deeply, or that Izaya would have allowed his love for him to run this deep. She never would have pegged those two to fall in love with one another, or to be in this situation at all. There was one thing that the headless woman wasn't surprised about, and that was the fact that Izaya was being so stubborn. Izaya hated to admit that he could, and did, do wrong and if things didn't go his way right off the bat he tended to distance himself for the situation as fast as he could. Oh, he could accept that he made mistakes, but he would never admit that to another person.

Making her way into the hotel, Celty went up to the room and knocked. She could hear him moving around inside before the door finally opened. There he stood, glaring at her as if she was the biggest nuisance in the world.

"Celty… why are you here and how did you find me?" Suddenly he blinked, sticking his head out the door. A moment later, he seemed to look relieved as he leaned back into the room he'd been renting.

「I hope you don't mind if I say this, but... you look like crap Izaya.

He frowned, watching as she typed something else, holding it up to his face.「Can I come in? Shizuo isn't here. So I thought I would come and speak with you first.

"I feel like I don't really have a choice... or do I?" She shook her head, and he sighed, standing back so she could walk past him. "How did you find me, Celty?"

「You're not exactly far from home, Izaya. And you didn't cover your tracks.

Pulling the phone back, she began to type again before showing him the screen.「Someone like Shizuo would have had issues, but remember that I do a lot of jobs for you. I know you Izaya.

He didn't seem to like that answer, the frown becoming more prominent on his face. Running a hand though his hair, the informant walked back into the main room, taking a seat on one of the chairs near a window. "What do you want, Celty?"

Taking that as an offer to come and sit, she made her way over taking the chair across from him. Typing out a message, she leaned forward and held out the phone for him to read.「Shizuo has been searching for you. He's desperate and wants to talk to you about what happened.

Izaya shook his head. No, he wouldn't go see the blond. 「Izaya… you don't even know what he wants to say.

She held the phone back up once again. There was a flash of something in his crimson eyes before he looked down.

"He hates me for telling him, and he is only going to reject me." The woman shook her head at those words. She knew exactly how desperate the blond was to find him and wouldn't believe that. "Look, I'll admit that I missed up on this Celty. I should have known how he would react... We've hated one another since we first met."

「But you love him!

He nodded, laying his head back on the chair. "The love came, yes." Sighing, he rolled his head to the side and looked at her. "My masks were so perfect until I realized I loved him, Celty. No one would have ever known any my flaws. No one would have gotten this close to me. Somehow he crept in and I never even noticed. He was my game, my toy to play with, so when did I start caring and why him?" A laugh left him as his eyes slid closed. "Why did it have to be like this?"

A tapping sound made him open his eyes a moment later as her phone once again entered his view. 「I think you're assuming that this will end badly.

The words read as she pulled the phone back again, her graceful fingers moving swiftly across the keys before turning it around once again. 「I don't think Shizuo would try this hard to find you if he wanted to say no.

"That is all theory, Celty."

Shaking her head quickly, she pulled the phone back to type a new message.「Not to be rude, Izaya, but so is your half brained logic.

That actually made him smile for a moment, but it quickly fell from his face. "I'm scared." It was only a whisper, but he'd said it. Crimson eyes looked up at the woman once again but she just sat there for a moment before typing on her phone.

But instead of a message, it began to ring. The informant paled as he realized what she was doing. Her finger pointed at the phone, then at Izaya as she nodded once to confirm what he thought.

Shizuo.

Suddenly there was a click as someone answered. "Celty, why are you calling me? Was it an accident?"

She pointed to the phone once again, and he knew she wanted him to speak. Shaking his head again, he looked down at the phone as if it was a snake ready to bite him.

"Celty, is something wrong? What the fuck… did something happen?" There was silence for a moment, and then the blond began to speak again. "You found Izaya didn't you? He's there isn't he?"

His eyes widened, a slight whimper leaving his mouth, as he covered his face with both hands. Yes, he was being immature, but he was also scared… scared of what Shizuo would say to him.

"Izaya talk to me, this is stupid." There was a pause, then a growl. "Serious, what the fuck is your problem Flea? Do you know I hard I've been trying to find your fucking ass? It's been days now and I thought maybe something had happened to you."

Why did he sound so worried?… Why was he acting like he cared all of the sudden? Part of him had a small hope that maybe the monster did truly love him back. The other part of him couldn't accept that it could even be possible. But he'd said it himself, Shizuo had been looking for him for days, Celty even helped look for him… Why would he go through all of this just to say he had no feelings for him? If he hated him, wouldn't he want Izaya to suffer?

"Look you little shit, the fucking flea I know wouldn't run away like this." Now he was angry. He was pissed that he'd been looking for a selfish brat for two days. "The louse I know would speak his mind, not thinking of anyone else but himself. The Izaya I know wouldn't be a fucking coward!"

"I'm not a coward you protozoan imbecile!" Damn it, now he'd done it. He'd let that stupid ape get under his skin and now Shizuo knew that he was here. "What do you want, monster?"

"I'm worried about you." He finally said, breathing out in frustration. "Please, I need to see you so we can talk. I'm not going to do this shit over a damn phone with Celty standing there."

"I don't want to see you." Was he actually pouting? Sighing, Izaya looked away from the phone and the stupid woman holding it. "I know you don't love me, so it's stupid to keep playing this game."

"You don't know shit about what I think, Flea. And like I said… I'm not going to discuss this over a damn phone. I want to see you. I… need to see you."

"Why?"

There was silence for a moment, as if the other didn't know exactly what to say. "Because… I need to know that you're alright, Izaya. I need to see you."

Looking out the window, he nodded. "Fine… Meiji Jingu Shrine in Shibuya. We will meet there in an hour."

"Alright, I'll meet you there, Flea." With that, the call was disconnected.

Celty pulled the phone back to her, once again typing out a message for him. 「Would you like me to walk with you?

She asked. Izaya just watched her for a moment and then stood, nodding slightly. Celty reached out, grabbing his arm, and started typing again. He waited for a moment, wondering what she wanted to say now.「I just want you two to be happy.

"Do you honestly believe that he and I can be together? Are you confident that I can honestly make him happy, Celty?" He watched her arm fall to her side, her head tilling slightly to the right as she thought his words over. A moment later, she was typing again and held it up for him to see.

「I don't know, do you?

He just looked at those words for a moment; he had no clue to say to that question so he decided to just be honest. "I don't know." Walking into the bathroom, he closed the door so he could get ready.

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Once again… I am sorry this took so long, I had major writers block. I think I am back on track, so let me know what you thought by leaving a review. Thank you.

_A note from Az'y: SO, I was supposed to have this edited yesterday, but life came up and I was distracted... Severely distracted... ... BUT! It's done now. And if anyone has a problem with my lovely author taking so long, I'll beat you up! LOL jk... maybe... . Anywho, thank you to those how tried to help me help her get rid of her writer's block, because I'm sure it wasn't just me... at least it better have not been only me! :C Please give her lots of love~ 3_


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